The Most Meaningful Gift I Ever Received

Grief can be difficult to navigate because it is different for everyone. Someone can lend an ear or an hour, or offer a thoughtful gift, and you can still feel lost. I have found that the most meaningful gifts, while themselves imperfect, were perfect for me because they reached deeper than I knew I needed reaching. They were unique. They were the gentle and constant reminders that I was loved. They lived on.

The most meaningful gift I received, at least early on, was from a lady in my neighborhood who showed up at my door. She had actually lost three children of her own, so she obviously knew meaningful things about loss. She handed me a gift certificate for a massage, and she said, “Kristen, you are about to embark on a journey that is going to cause you to have to carry more stuff for more people than you can comprehend right now. And it's so important that you have someone take care of you. So go get a massage, and go get one as often as you can.” 

It was such a meaningful gift at the time because I didn’t have to worry about paying it back, which was an added stress all on its own. People are going to do a lot of things for you, and there’s always this feeling that you need to pay them back. As a mom of five kids, I felt like I had to hold everyone else together, let alone the other hundreds of family and friends who also loved my husband. That is a ton of weight. While the massage seemed like a really small thing, it really was huge for me, and it set the trajectory of many years of getting them as often as I could. 

So what is a meaningful gift? It's not always the flowers that you give. And flowers are the go-to gift, which I don’t want to minimize; they are beautiful and brighten up the space. But flowers die. And after a week or so, you find yourself throwing away other things that died, all while trying to process that new parallel in your life. I found that, for me, I enjoyed the gifts that provided value and stuck with me and my kids. It was the gifts that presented experiences above a singular item. It was a friend showing up to help my son complete an Eagle Project, since his Dad wasn’t there to help him anymore. It was a thoughtful artpiece or item I could put on my shelf and look to in times of turmoil. It reminded me of the love that was shared and the love I could continue to feel. That is part of why I created the statues, to capture that love and remember those experiences at a quick glance. 

So while that initial massage set me on an expensive and wonderful path to weekly self-care, each one came to an end. It was a meaningful gift, but it still only took me so far. That is why I curated Still With You to encapsulate the love and tenderness of my dear husband. Seeing that there on the shelf is what continually kept me going. When contemplating how and what to give as a meaningful gift, consider what loving nods and reminders might touch the deepest parts of the heart. Think about how you can help someone find calm in the chaos. Ponder what they might need to feel heard, cared for, and loved.